It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
