and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
