You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
