guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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