i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
