my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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