omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
