Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You left your phone here
Wait...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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