My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
