I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize