Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
