walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
