I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
