Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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