i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
