How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
