Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
