I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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