every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
