Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
