And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
