i don't plan on having that self control this summer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
