You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
