When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
