So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
