If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
