dude i'm inner monologue high
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
