So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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