take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
