Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
