If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
