I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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