Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
