Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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