Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you win again, gameday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
