I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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