i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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