After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize