I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
