i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
