So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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