She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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