I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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