I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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