Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
