whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
