So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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