dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
