The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
