She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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