never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
