He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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