can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
