I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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