it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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