I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
