Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
