I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
