i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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