He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
