Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
