I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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