How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
